The things you tripped over on the way
11:08 PM. The cursor blinks. I get up to sip some water, start the dishwasher, and return to my throne. Still blinking. I alt-tab over to the bird app, where user @simonsarris asks: "what influenced your life outlook the most?" And in response to a clarifying question in the replies, he says he's looking for "the things you tripped over on the way."
Interesting question. I was shuffling some books around my library today. I keep all of the books that have changed my thinking stacked on top of each other, and took a gander at the pile for a minute. At some point in the last year, I culled this pile, realizing that some of the books in it turned out to be rather insignificant after some time.
Was that the right thing to do? It was a response to embarrassment, really. I'm not sure what I have to feel bad about, seeing that I'm the only one who understands the structure of my library. I suppose I felt some shame, that I fooled myself at one point to thinking those books were important. Which ones that remain will one day be released back into the commons? What kind of guilt will I feel then?
But stepping back, this re-writing of my own history is far larger a mistake. I can move those books, but I cannot deny that they were an important part of my life. Many were gateway books, introducing me to new ways of thinking, and pointing me in the direction of other, more suitable books. There is a geneology of my own thinking which has bred to the exact way I think today, and that lineage should be celebrated, even if just quietly to myself.
Further, this metaphor can be extended to cover every event we've ever lived. You may cringe at your past taste in music or movies or (wo)men. But all those choices led you to where you are today, and inform how you make your choices tomorrow.
Those trips and stumbles are important. They need not be impressive or sexy or otherwise polished. It's perfectly fine to look back and chuckle at the kid you used to be. Always remember: it only has to make sense to you.
I've referenced this many times before and will reference it many time more:
From Tim Urban of Wait But Why fame