Responsive Sexual Desire: A New Model of Female Sexuality
Both men and women follow a similar physiological arousal sequence, although the psychological and relationship factors are somewhat different. Basson (2002) has found that in committed, long-term relationships, women’s sexual desire becomes more integrated into her psychological system. In the beginning phase of a new relationship, romantic love and passionate sex lead to easy sexual response for many women, but in a long-term relationship (after one or more years), increased distractions and fatigue lead to a different kind of sexual desire pattern.
In this model of female desire and sexual response, women have a lower biological urge for the release of sexual tension than men. Orgasm is not necessary for satisfaction and does not need to occur at each sexual encounter. Basson proposes that women’s sexual desire is often a responsive rather than a spontaneous event, greatly influenced by subjective psychological excitement. While a man’s sexual desire may be energized by physical drive, typically a woman’s sexual desire develops from her receptivity to gentle, relaxed sensual touching and/or playful, teasing touching. This touching leads to sexual desire and continues to emotional closeness, sensuality, genital stimulation, arousal, and eroticism. Sexual desire develops after initial sensual contact.
Healthy female sexual response in an established relationship often begins in sexual neutrality, but sensing an opportunity to be sexual, the partner’s desire, or an awareness of potential benefits that are important to her and their relationship (emotional closeness, bonding, love, affection, healing, acceptance, commitment), she elects to seek sensual contact and stimulation. With beginning arousal, she may become aware at that time of a desire to continue the experience for sexual reasons and experience heightened arousal, which may or may not include wanting orgasm. This brings her a sense of physical well-being with added benefits such as emotional closeness, love, affection, and acceptance. This model acknowledges that for men sexual desire may be more biologically driven, whereas for women it is more psychological and relational. Advertising appreciates this: consider the billboard ad for a five-star hotel that shows an attractive couple smiling at each other over dinner with the caption: “Gentlemen: We do for her what lingerie does for you.” Too oft en, men mistakenly believe that sexual performance is more important than emotional intimacy for women. Most women in fact value your presence, touch, and shared closeness.
Posted in Sexual Health (General)
