Perfectionism

A set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching excessively high and unrealistic goals. Many children who have trouble with writing or finishing school projects have problems with perfectionism, which may be closely related to anxiety, or to OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER. Children with ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPERACTIVITY DISORDER (ADHD) often have perfectionist tendencies, particularly in areas which they feel are important.

The issue of perfectionism may seem to be linked to a failure to understand the nature of a task’s requirements. However, it appears equally likely that perfectionist behavior may arise from deeper underlying factors and may best be treated with a combination of behavioral and cognitive methods.

Perfectionism is often mistakenly seen as desirable or even necessary for success, but in fact, perfectionistic attitudes actually interfere with success. The desire to be perfect can give a child a sense of personal satisfaction but cause the youngster to fail to achieve as much as those with more realistic goals.

Most perfectionists learned early in life that they were valued because of how much they achieved. As a result, they learned to value themselves only on the basis of other people’s approval, so that self esteem came to be based primarily on external standards. This can leave people vulnerable and excessively sensitive to the opinions and criticism of others. In attempting to protect themselves from criticism, these individuals may decide that being perfect is their only defense.

A number of negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs may be associated with perfectionism, including:

• Fear of failure Perfectionists often equate failure to achieve their goals with a lack of personal worth or value.
• Fear of making mistakes Perfectionists often equate mistakes with failure. In orienting their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists miss opportunities to learn and grow.
• Fear of disapproval If they let others see their flaws, perfectionists often fear that they will not be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying to protect themselves from criticism, rejection, and disapproval.
• All-or-nothing thinking Perfectionists often think they are worthless if their accomplishments are not perfect, and they have trouble putting things in perspective. For example, a straight A student who gets a B might think he is “a total failure.”
• The “shoulds” The lives of perfectionists are often structured by an endless list of rigid rules about how their lives should be led. With such an overemphasis on shoulds, perfectionists rarely take into account their own desires.
• Others’ success Perfectionists tend to perceive others as achieving success with a minimum of effort, few errors, little emotional stress, and maximum self-confidence, whereas their own efforts are inadequate.

Perfectionists are often trapped in a vicious cycle in which they set unreachable goals and then fail to meet them because the goals were impossible to begin with. Failure was thus inevitable. The constant pressure to achieve perfection and the inevitable chronic failure lessen productivity and effectiveness. As perfectionists become more selfcritical, their self-esteem suffers, which may also lead to anxiety and depression. At this point perfectionists may give up completely on their goals and set different unrealistic goals, but this thinking sets the entire cycle in motion again. Perfectionists need to understand that perfectionism is undesirable, and they must challenge the self-defeating thoughts and behaviors that fuel perfectionism.